Should we stay together for the kids?

Everyone's heard that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. This has been a statistic ever since the eighties. And unfortunately, it's true. I say that it's unfortunately true because as anyone who has ever been through a divorce can tell you, divorce is tough. There's yelling, there's coercing, there's fighting, there's name calling, there's manipulation, then there's the judgmental glares from friends, there's ex-friends, ex-inlaws (if you thought in-laws are bad think about what ex-in-laws are like). Many couples who start the divorce process decide not to go through with it because it's just so darn tough that they're rather just stay married even if means they're unhappy.

Another reason that couples come up with to avoid getting a divorce is because they think it will be better for their kids. If divorce is tough for adults, it's about twice as hard on kids who may not be old enough to really understand what is happening.

It is Not Good to Stay Together for The Kids.

Given the difficulty of divorce coupled with the difficulty their kids are going through, many couples might think that this is a good idea to stay together for the kids. Well, let me make it unequivocally clear that it is not. Staying together for the kids is like deciding to keep your family on a sinking ship because you don't want the hassle of having to put life jackets on everyone and boarding the lifeboats. It might be easier to stay put for a while, but then you start wading in sea water and you realize it maybe wasn't that good of an idea after all.

Children are entitled to a happy home with a mother and father who are wholly invested in them. When there is conflict between the parents, the home isn't that happy and mom and dad start becoming divested in each other. Being a good parent means being a good spouse, too. If you can't be a good spouse you're not being a good parent.

If You Can Stay Together for The Kids, You can Work it out With your Spouse.

Having difficulty in your marriage but staying together for the sake of the kids is only teaching kids what an unhappy marriage looks like and it also teaches them all sorts of other dysfunctional relational habits. If you're a parent contemplating divorce, and wondering if it's better to stay together for the kids. Ask yourself: If you can live like this for the rest of your life, is your relationship really so bad? If you think you can tough it out for the kids, you probably have what it takes to tough it out with your spouse in front of a counselor, too. Going to counseling is one thing that is okay to do for the kids. And you might even be happier, too.


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