But for the purpose of this article, let’s assume that the husband is more desirous of sex than his wife.
OK, now that we have the scene set, this is a very common circumstance that causes a lot of tension in marriages. You see, when a man marries a woman, he is now legally and morally beholden to his wife for sexual gratification. As I cover in an entire chapter in my newly published book, “The Man’s Secret to a Happy and Sexy Marriage in Less Than 10 Minutes a Day”, wives have the power in most marriages because they control the man’s sexual pleasure. The way our society is structured today, women don’t just care for the house and children; they also go to work and are absolutely exhausted at the end of the day. Sex unfortunately does not top the list of things that they absolutely must have before they go to sleep. But that doesn’t stop the man from wanting to engage in sexual pleasures when he gets into bed at night with his wife.
Your Wife Can't Drop Everything For Sex
The problem is men can’t just go up to their wives and say “I need more sex” and expect their wives to reply, “yes dear, would you like to do it right now on the kitchen table?”. If only it were that easy! You see, men can have sex on request…they don’t need much prodding. But women, they need to feel loved, respected and romanced first. The problem is most men stop romancing their wives like they did when they were dating or newly married. This results in a lot of sexual tension in marriage.
So how can a man tell his wife that he wants more sex? Most commonly, if a man were to ask this of his wife, she would get angry with him for being so self-centered. Could you see yourself asking your wife directly for more sex? How do you think she would react? Dare I say with anger and lectures!
So here is what you may want to consider.
Show Daily (non-sexual) Affection
First, the husband needs to show his wife that he truly loves her on a daily basis. He does this by listening to her intently, treating her special and being a gentleman. His wife needs to feel connected, special and secure in the marriage for her to share love with her husband. It is at this time, and only at this time, that the man can sit down with his wife and have a discussion about his happiness in the marriage.
How do you approach it? You can start by telling your wife how much you love her, adore her, appreciate her and admire her. In other words, you need to make her feel special! Perhaps you have this conversation after you have done a fun activity where you both enjoyed each others’ company. Then you can feel confident telling her that you would like to express your love for each other on a more regular basis. Sharing intimacy is so wonderful that it heightens your loving feelings for her. Notice I never used the word sex. Sex is the act. Love is the emotions.
And men, if you are successful in having this discussion to address your happiness, please don’t stop doing
the things that got you to this place of open, loving communication.
Also, please be sure that when you make love to your wife that you do it selflessly and lovingly. Let her know how much you love her and are attracted to her. Be sure that she is satisfied and happy from the experience. Don’t be self centered. And please don’t do a “hit and run”; stay and cuddle for awhile. She will be much more receptive to your advances for sex the future.
Steve Schloss is an author, speaker, publishing executive, and men’s relationship acceleration coach. He also privately mentors and coaches single and married men of all ages. He has his MBA from The University of Wisconsin and lives in Princeton, NJ.